They don't know, but Lord You know.. That's enough

This is a long overdue blog entry which was suppose to be put on earlier ..

One month back, I was busily planning and doing my event.. as there would be 3 events coming up on a single weekend.. I felt overwhelmed to be honest.. tired physically and mentally.. and most of all, I felt lonely with the heavy burden of work with 3 to 4 weeks of weekend all burnt out and having to take medicine everyday.. i miss my family, friends, my personal space, my hobbies.. and my social life tremendously..

That night, I stayed in the office till 10plus alone.. suddenly i became self-pity, thinking that i am so alone.. no one would ever know my struggles.. and really wanted badly to broke down as I felt at least it makes me feel better.. however, i knew i need to rush my work and keep up in good spirit.. no time for me to be a cry baby despite being a gan jong spider at heart worrying that my work can't be finished in due time.

It was that very night, that I felt a special touch from the Lord. Maybe nobody knows my struggles, He knows.. and that is enough. I felt light throughout my bus journey home that day, knowing he is with me, in me and for me..

Few weeks later, I went for the Holy Ghost meeting.. In the midst of that, I broke down in good tears remembering all that the Lord has done for me. Once again, 'He Knows', this word came into my mind and that really set me free despite having to climb mountains in every stage of my life.. Subsequently, coming to the end of the Holy Ghost Meeting, Pastor Henry revealed to the congregation that 'He Knows' what we are going through.. To me, that was really wow! It is so good that 'He Knows' even though everyone seem not to know..

Thus, cheer up! God knows what you are going through.. Because he is God! And He is a good one :)

The Lord is good!

Coming to t0 month end, was actually very poor, trying to make ends meet esp with the countless taxi trip that i took for work and health .. Nevertheless, my Father in Heaven is rich! Somehow or rather, I suddenly found extra $4 which I forgotten i saved few months back, and extra $30 in my bank account which I thought don't have.. At the same time, I got breakfast treat and lunch treat for the weekends.. hee. These solved my problems. At least the $$ at present I havecan last till my coming pay check and yeah, i don't need to borrow!

Lord, thanks!

Thank you Lord and all my loveds ones

As I look at my previous entry, it was early July.. Around 3 to 4 months since the last i came here. I have so much to share..



People always say times flies fast.. Agreed. At the same time, I also agreed that things take place fast.



A recap in the previous 4 months (July / Aug / Sept / Oct) (the happenings are in order)



My Struggles

-Cannot exercise

- Asthma and cough and fever

-Submit resignation and no income

-Pay $1000 for breaking contract

-Signing Letter of Acceptance from a job offer

-Diagnosed with a sickness

-Having to pay medical check up fee

-Lost the job offer

-Give Kit performance at NDP a miss simply I am too down

-Hopeless, and wanted to give the Lord and myself up totally first time in my life

-Having to take medicine everyday for 6 months

-Having to prove to my boss my capability when I feel sick from the side effects of medicine

-Having to learn new work system

-Having to build rapport with new colleagues



My breakthrough

-Can swim, can run, can play

-No asthma and cough

-Managed to resign and overcome poverty

-No more frequent fever

-Got the job offer

-Medical check up test was subsidized

-Catch Kit performance on repeated program

-I managed to pull myself up with all the encouragements and loves from my loved ones

-Having been consistent and obedient, medicine taking was reduced to 3 times a week and I am left with only about 3 more months, and will not need to take them anymore! Yeah!

- There are not much side effects from medicine now and have received good feedbacks from boss so far

-Get to know some colleagues better

-Had learned a lot of new things in work and will continue to learn.



Father,



I want to commit this blog to you. No words could ever express my gratitute to you, who stood by me and never gives me up, even when times when I said things that are so unholy, and without faith. Even at times, when I actually doubt you.



I knew very well in my heart that I could not survive without your strength and your loves. You let me know what is loves. And thank you for blessing me with my dear mum, dad, brother and sister, and all my dear brothers, sisters in Christ, and my beloved friends.

You are a good God that loves and bless. Thank you Father.

One thing at a time .. First thing first

Few days back, as I went to see Dr Jean regarding why do I have such prolonged cough and that I can even cough out the phlem with blood .. she checkout by her hearing equipment and told me that there are wheezing sound and it comes from two lungs and that my asthma is still not clear.

The moment she said this i felt saddened by the fact that I have to put my jogging/ running practice for the coming shape up distance running on hold. I playfully ask her 'can i exercise this week? I sign up distance running already.' She replied 'No. these are the kind of people who like to do too many things at one time.. and something happen. you should read the newspaper'. Her remarks reminds me of another doctor (whom i seen one week before her at the same clinic) who urged me to sit down and take things at one time.

After which, on that day, 2 July 2007, I came to ask myself why do i want to do so many things at one time.. why do i often felt that if i do one thing less it seems like did not fully occupy the time productively.. why am i so greedy.. what am i trying to prove.. Still young?able to exercise, able to cope with all happenings efficiently.. ? am a capable girl? was thinking very hard.. on the surface i always emphasied on health, yet i compromised it with my stubborness (never want to lose out attitude), anger, lack of sleep, a attitude that get work out easily when i do not get what i want. In the end, my health suffers.. wat an irony..

was on mc last fri 29 june and mon 2 july. while doing my quiet time on 2 july afternoon, i somehow just felt that God is reminding me 'One thing at a time' and let 'First thing be first' ... somehow.. and i feel a let go after which..

after straightening my thoughts about my perspective on job searching and my current job as ccpe, (and also about forgiveness and understanding and patience) which is the root of many of my frustrations and impatience.. i decided i really really need to take my health, my body which is the holy temple of God seriously.. I thought all along i am serious when i am not 100%.. the fact that my asthma comes back really tells..and how i run and swim when i have weezing sound also tells.. somehow i felt relieved and at peace at deciding that the main focus should be my health status.. miraculously when i have that state of mind, i received the job offer .. and honestly i received it with a balance joy.. not an overwhelming joy.. but i think it should be that way..

the truth : '' There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven''

(Ecclesiastes 3:1)

'Lord, thank you so much for the comfort. am still learning. Its so great to rest in you. To know that even the world turns upside down you stand and rock..!! help me always to have this focus and peace in you.. even in my new working environment and in the coming challenges.. let me not be distracted.. Give me the strength to relax, to be balanced, to let go, to forgive and to move forward. and also overcome!! thank you daddy in heaven.'

One thing at a time with the help of Lord Jesus Christ :

1) Health - get healing for asthma and cough, do x-ray.. 8 hr sleep per day, regular check up with doc,

2) Exit interview-

i) speak to kenny (done)

ii) speak to jerome (done)

iii) speak to victor (not yet)

iv) speak to principal (not yet)

v) speak to vp (done)

3) complete all work on hands (not yet)

4) Good handover to ccpe (not yet)

5) Persuade explomo to provide school ccpe asap (not yet)

6) Employment check up (done)

7) buy thumbdrive (not yet)

8) save up all personal items in thumbdrive for my current labtop (not yet)

9) clear belongings at work station in school (slowly day by day)

10) mission (go with the flow)

11) training for shape run (on hold)

12) volunteering (when i have the time)

13) aaron kwok concert (might go might not go)

14) To improve Nana's grade for maths and english

"Rejoice in the Lord always, I will say it again : Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Phillipians 4:4-7

Amen!!

Her colour reminds me of Jenny

saw this cat early this morning.. she is always loitering around in the school.. if ever she is a human being, she definitely gonna be chased away..

anyway she is scared of me :p
well her colour reminds me of jenny..

CCPE anniversary

This is another day another break from the school..good for me..

the event started at around 1pm ++ on a hot day.. we were suppose to eat our lunch before hand..

initially most of the ccpe just laze or chit chat (or shall we say network?) around and took some time to settle down..

some went kayak some went to play floor games and some played interphrase game.. guess what did i play? hee..

actually syf yacht club is quite a
soothing place esp when u feel the
wind blowing at you..

i even withness something beautiful that has six colors.. captured it with my nikon coolpix .. noticed? its in some of the pix..

generally i enjoyed the celebration just that there are some unpleasant experience after dinner time..

anyway dinner was nice as everyone were hungry.. and i think i m tanner than b4 after this trip..

took quite a lot of pix.. coz i quite like the place.. though it ulu..

Self Created Holiday

Finally finally got a chance to blog here after a seemingly long break from the last i came here to really update

well so many to write and so many thoughts to be organised.. alright i shall start from first day of the long stretched leave:

30 June 2007 Wednesday

Swimming
Start the day with a yawn and looking forward to the deep cool water of the pool.. Am supposed to meet my sis at toa payoh at about 9am. remember vividly that as the train proceeds to ang mo kio the sun was still shining and by the time, it reached toa payoh there were drizzling of rain. Thus we went for breakfast at the underground canteen in toa payoh bus interchange. it has been long since the last i have breakfast with my sis. somehow i felt it was heart warming perhaps both of us are in the holiday mood. despite the rain, we r determined not to let it affect our swimming plan.. Oh by the time we walk to the pool it was already 10pm ++. The water was cool and from small droplets of rain to the coming back of the sun, we were there. i guess everyone who had known me and my sis would agreed that this would be a breakthrough for both of us. it was a good swimming session and we had enjoyed although we were horrified to see the contrust of skin color during our shower.. hee

Whompoa Market - Mee Siam (by chinese couple)
We walk out of toa payoh swimming pool feeling very much refreshed.. After which, we proceeded to take bus 145 from interchange to whompoa market for our lunch. we are there specially for the mee siam and to visit my aunt who was working there as an assistant.. i have like the mee siam there since my days of working for hwa and the couple there who sell the mee siam has known me.. the world is so small that my aunt also came know them. which i only came to know few days back. hee this time the lao pan niang gave us a treat.. i also order fruits.. yummy.. left the place yummy with a full stomach..

Entrepuneur Talk@ park mall
The journey of the day continues.. we took a straight bus 124 to park mall from whompoa to park mall for a free entrepuneur seminar talk by Chris and Dennis Wee the famous one from ERA. When we reached the building me and my sis are somewat embarassed by our dressing (as u can imagine how casual it will be since we went swimming in the morning) everyone looked professional or at least smart and formal..

actually by that time we were both very tired and sleepy being afternoon, hot weather, full stomach , walking from toa payoh to whompoa and whampoa to park mall.. we were tempted to doze off.. thank God the speaker were not so boring.. one is charismatic one is funny .. lol i leave u to think who is who for the 2 description.. anyway at the end of the seminar we were invited to sign up for a 3 days entrepuener workshop camp which my sis n i did not take up.. so so expensive.. well anyway it was a nice experience.. to see people from other walks of life.. the youngs and the seasoned one.. after the talk we did not even join in at the reception for some reason.. perhaps we felt pai seh that we did not talk up the 3 days workshop camp..

California at somerset outlet
next we proceeded to take train from douby ghaut to somerset to meet yin who is a california member. it was planned that we will take pass from her and we shall all go in there for workout for classes for sauna for steambath watever watever.. however, there was this consultant who declined my entry coz he had seen me before.. he meant that even a platimum member could not bring a guest who has been there before.. anyway i do not like the 'four person talk ' that was getting no where.. thus i say its ok.. i will not go in today.. and thus my sis also did not go in.. but he went on to ask my sis to stay since my sis is new.. lol so funny my sis did not go.. it was a wasted trip..

Wang Jiao Cafe
Well, after that, we were actually at a loss of what to do next.. being very tired, we just decided to sit down and have a drink and relax.. thus i bought her to wang jiao cafe at cineleisure.. that was her first time time and we were all terribly cold at that time.. though the service from the crews were not fantastic or shall i say bad.. we enjoyed the toasted bread and the sandwhich.. of coz i love the HK milk tea there..

Shopping@hereen

We proceeded to hereen see see look look walk walk.. there were some nice sandals and flip flop which my sis was looking around for it.. there was one which cost $9.9o which i did not buy at that instance but eventually.. also did went to rose in the attic .. there were sales.. i bought a cardigen and a singlet from shell.. did talk a bit with her.. well then i happened to know that kit happened to be there earlier on in the afternoon.. well well..

Proceeding to Ang Mo Kio

Our feets were complaining and asking us to take a break and go home. Thus sis and i proceeded to ang mo kio.. her home and i went to meet xiaopei there.. we had mosburger as dinner.. resting and chating all the way till 10 plus and i reach home at 11plus..

31 June 2007 Thur

First Thing in the morning

Slept to the fullest till 9am plus.. no rush.. no struggle to wake up.. felt so peaceful in the midst of silence in my house.. as everyone was working on vesak day.. i had the whole space myself..

First date of the day

I took a straight bus to compassvale point to meet Jane.. delighted to see her after so long and she is still so independent and abled.. when u see her u will be impressed and inspired and i pray that God will bless her in every way and continue to strengthen her.. we are sort of in the same boat.. looking for jobs.. and we are the hands on people who are not into admin..a verdic given by our same superior.. Jane don't give up!!

East Coast Park

Next i took a bus from seng kang to bedok bus interchange.. And i realised that there is a shuttle bus from bedok that goes directly to ECP instead of walking a long distance using underpass.. so happy am i to know that.. Unfortunately being the first time taking the bus and reluntant to ask the driver where is the bus stop to alight (maybe i m too tired..), i suffer the consequence of alighting one bus stop earlier and having to walk a distance of 40 min walking past the river where all the seasport activitites were there.. to the kingfisher man village , all the way to mac where the bicycle kiosk were.. and from the status of early bird, i became a later commer for the day.. oh its a lesson learn.. ling told me that i should alight at one more bus stop which is directly infront of mac the meeting place.. in the end,finally finally i met ling and her friends.. quite nice people :)

anyway the first activity was cycling.. its actually quite cheap.. $5 for 2 hr (1 hr being free as part of promotion) + a bottle of mineral water upon returning the bicycle..

along the way i have took some pictures.. like the sky at that time very much .. blue combined with red plus the beach n trees.. somehow i actually like bedok jetty .. was thinking of going there for fishing someday in weekday when the crowds are not there... yah and i met toh soon there a hwa member.. hee i actually remember her.. we promised to say hi to each other if ever we see each other on streets again..

Dinner time..

went to a very famous bedok hawker for dinner as the food centre at ecp is packed.. lol this hawker was also very packed actually but fortunately we managed to get a seat.. i realised that most of the food stalls either appeared on newsaper, ch U mei shi wang, or got this or that award before.. and i was spoiled for choices.. everything seems nice.. in the end i ordered satay chicken wing and stingray (which eventually i cancelled my cancel coz i waited for too long).. and most stalls told me that i have to wait 30 min.. coz business was good and thus gotta wait.

Home Sweet Home

by the time dinner was completed it was abt 9 tp 10 plus.. ling's friend drove me to bedok mrt and i took 168 back to woodlands interchange via expressway thank God. after which i took one stop train bk to admiralty n home!! it was 11plus by then..

1 June 2007 Friday

tired trip @ ang mo kio

wake up at about 8plus and had not really recovered from the fatigue the day before.. leg was so tired and i wish i could sleep some more.. yet i dun want to miss out the programmes planned ahead..

both me and my sis drag ourselves up. preparation was fast but unfortunately we forgot to bring certain things neccessary for a gym workout.. thus on top of the something my sis need to settle at amk, we went to shop for the things we need for gym workout.. ask me personally if u want to know what we forgot to bring.. too embarassed.. and angry at self at the thought of it..

by the time we leave amk, its abt 11am and when we reached city hall, we actually took the shuttle bus to suntec being too too tired..

Our first use of Planet Fitness

met tommy the sales consultant and we get our 7 days trial pass from him.. and u know wat we did after which.. Bath and steambath!!! that's all for the day.. i think very obvious, tommy must have know that we 2 are very very tired..

Lunch

next we went to a jap restaurant in suntec at the basement for our lunch..a set meal with free flow of drinks or cappochino.. finally we get to sit down, relax with a meal, with a drink in the air-con with a small crowd in a quiet atmosphere..

Journey to Outram

after lunching, we lazily get ourselves up and proceeded to outram.. were amazed and somewat irritated at the crowd in a week day afternoon.. as we have to walk from suntec to city hall.. esp using the bridge from suntec to citylink.. we were thinking how come these people no need to work ..or maybe we are not the only smart ones who knows how to make use of PH and apply leave to make it a long stretch..

KTV

finally we reached outram.. first, we aimed at party world for a drink and kara at the lounge instead of room.. (we felt it should be a refreshing experience.. as i told my sis that a holiday would look like one if only we do the things we normally don't do..) however it cost abt $20++ per person and we were actually quite relunctant.. then we tot abt 10 dollar club.. but their lounge singing start only start from 6pm to 8pm.. which mean we have to crack our head for the time in between..

So guess wat? we went to singapore football club assn (one level below party world @ oriental plaza) and book a room for 3 hr and sing..abt $13 per pax better still.. the songs are quite updated..not too ulu ulu..

actually we watch mtv and concerts mostly more than singing as we are too tired.. but it was enjoyable.. and relaxed..

AKIRA warehouse sales

after kara we proceeded to jurong east and took a cab to akira warehouse to meet our mum n brother.. phew ..did buy quite a no. of things for the household..

Dinner @ home sweet home

by the time we reached home it abt 10plus.. and we had our dinner there n then - self cooked spaghatti by my sis..

2 June 2007 saturday

Tea Chapter

forgot exactly when was the last time i went to tea chapter.. thus i kind of miss the place..

went there with pei fei and fei.. we played board games dumb and scrabble there.. oh it was so comfortable.. and i recovered from my fatigue a bit

Dinner @ chinatown.
Simple and humble yet expensive meal in one of the coffeeshop.. $10 dinner..

See see look look at clarke quay
we went to central the new mall.. i felt it quite squeezy but still have some nice cloths.. after which we just sat down by the river and see people do the bumpy jump.. we all agreed that we would not spend $30 on that.. (and for me I won't spend $30 to instill fear .. thought most would consider that excitement..)

then home sweet home!!

3 June 2007 Sunday

-slack at home.

-watch tv

-attend church service

-get ready for the coming week

-zzzzz

4 June - 5 June Mon & tue
-Taking npcc students to leadership training at home team academy.. hee thus not in school

7-8 June Thur & Fri
-On course.. on communication skills.. quite an experience!!

hee thus i only in school on wed!!

n the week went fast..

9 June 2007 Sun
soon came sat the gathering for relatives.. enjoyed the meal and enjoyed seeing all my uncles and auntis and cousins and old photos.. celebrates dad's birthday too!!

Is it raining , sun set or sun rise?

Is it raining, sun set or sun rise?

What do you think?

Get well!!Run! I will strong!!

Right now, got asthma, sore throat, stomach bloatedness, cough, ulcer..

but i will get well and run in Jesus name!!

No sickness will come near me!!

I will get my work done!! i will have joy!! i will!! in Jesus name!!

The Swimming Instructor

Received a call from Weihong, hee 'the swimming instructor'.. at about 5plus on one of the weekday in march.. forget when.

he got complimentary tickets for his virgin production 'the swimming instructor'.. he called on that day i happened to be able to make it on that day together with fei fei and her sister..

we 3 met in bugis for dinner and proceeded to the 42 waterloo st.. such a ulu and hard to find place..

anyway i m entertained by the show.. although would not dare to say its fantastically a nice piece of theatre work.. as some part i found beat about the bush..

had known weihong since thomson sec days.. this is the first time i saw him in public venue performing.. somehow feel a bit happy for him..

Great to have met fei fei on that day too.. happy :)